Yop Ber ‘ Kecek’

This must be the most difficult posting yet..not in terms of studying, but stress. During these 3 months I almost snapped twice. Some may say that I already snapped..but I define snapping when I start to get physical. In other words I ’semi-snapped’.
    The 1st 1 was during i-Quest or IIUM Kuantan Open Day. I was part of the organizing committee. I won’t ‘ungkit’ about the whole thing..but it really sucked. Some people just can’t take accept suggestions…or in other words = BODOH SOMBONG. Just thinking about it makes me wanna bang my head on the wall. But I just had to thank those who stood by me throughout the ordeal even though they also had their own problems.
    Then…there’s the whole posting. Family medicine was OK. Everything was fine (except the case write ups…damn long). Then…there’s COMMUNITY MEDICINE.  I don’t really know what went wrong but  through my observation, group dynamics just was’nt there. As a leader of group A2, I wanted group dynamics to be there. I always told them that the key to a successful group is communication. I tried to treat them as an adult and they just let me down. For me..shit always happen. But I try to avoid them. It seems that only part of the group were cooperating. But I was calm then.
    Things went out of control during the final stages of preparation to present the study. Here are some points that contributed to my ‘ordeal’:

1. The discipline of the members (some) were not up to standards..even the lecturers complained.
2. People just like to blame…there were a lot of comments from some people but what pisses me off was the way it was brought up. They don’t say things directly and their comments did not contribute positively for the group. This was made worst coz I gave them an avenue for them to say something in meetings but they didn’t say anything.
3. The issue of gender was brought up…unnecessarily. For me the girls did a great job of analyzing and preparing the paper. Heck, some of them are still in Kuantan preparing it. Some jackass had to say that the guys were being pressured so much that they shouldn’t be tasked to present the paper. I wanted to show the finger…but I just had to be professional.
4. Last minute work. I was all set to do my work (prep presentation) but things just didn’t go my way.  There was so much waiting that I just didn’t want to do it.

Then…something went wrong with the presentation…..at the last minute. I broke my glasses, I was broke and I was hungry + sleepy. NOT A GOOD COMBINATION. My smiles turned to a big frown. I didn’t even have the mood to talk to anyone. But the 2 people I’m close with managed to cheer me up….for a while. I went to meetings out of respect. My fist was ready to give a punch if people mess with me. So I did the smartest thing (I guess)…sit at 1 corner and just keep quiet. Hopefully I won’t cause any harm. Unfortunately my aura (aura laga hitam) was so great that it affected a lot of people…so sorry.
    The aura lasted a 2 days. It affected my studies a bit. But we’ll have to see my results later. But I don’t blame them…if my results are bad, I only have myself to blame. I should have managed my time better. Jackasses are everywhere…it’s how u handle yourself that matters. I should also thank these people…they made me into a stronger person.
    At the end of the day…I’ve come to think that it’s not worth my time and effort to  help people who don’t want to be helped. Next blog I just won’t mind what will happen. It’s time for me to think for myself and the people who cares about me.